Sound of Pulling Heaven Down

I must preface this by saying that I am ABSOLUTELY, thankfully, blessed by my fiancé. He shows me Jesus, a balance, a stability, a source of love, a source of painful encouragement daily.

I have expectations, or had, that I placed on Joshua, my family, my volunteers, et cetera. And from these the only thing that has come from this is hurt, that I caused due to not understanding the definition of humanness. And thinking that if by setting high expectations that I would actually achieve them, but that mindset, that perspective has set myself up for failure. For every instance that I encountered a problem I saw it as something far more than it was, turning normalcy into imperfect (the lowest of lows), the great failure. Which I sadly have encountered daily. And placed a burden on myself and those around me.

I am now trying to live, just live, that's it. And the only thing I am holding accountable, is myself. For I cannot expect anyone to do any better than what they do. I can't, it'll ruin me. I must trust those who I believe to have set standards for themselves, but know that Jesus died on the cross, to provide forgiveness for a reason, PEOPLE FAIL. And I can't let truth hinder my person, my relationships. For that is the thing which makes life beautiful, the imperfections, the things we don't expect. Life, the beauty of it, I have missed, for I have been dwelling in a constant sense of detriment, failure.

Thank you Lord, for giving me a man who is founded on truth and doesn't for an instance turn from it. Thank you for allowing love to be such a powerful thing in our relationship. Thank you for his parents, who taught him to be the best version of himself as possible, and that he, Josh, would have the heart to hold these lessons as truth in his own life and practice them.

I praise you, my Jesus, for your grace.

Mary